I had to skip past my list and touch on this.
A guy at work and I like to share tidbits - various obscurities and other noteworthy items - we find while purusing the internet. He sent me this today and well, I couldn't resist. There are so many points I could touch on but you need to read for yourself...this is, for lack of a better word, awful. So awful, in fact, that the original poster felt it was necessary to scan the actual book she was reading....
Please enjoy:
So, let's pretend it's pretty late and you're doing a little light reading before bed, as you sometimes do. This book is one that you bought used probably fifteen years ago and it has sat on your shelf since then. Now, you've decided to read it and within the first page you realize it's one of those fantasy novels, written by a man who wants to idolize his fantasy princess dream woman. But after he gets past describing her in chapter one you think, okay. Maybe there's a good story in this book anyway. Anyway, it's only 200 pages, so even if it's awful it'll be quick.So it's late. You're about halfway finished with the book. The princess has met the faerie king and he's brought her to the faerie court! She's met the faerie wives! And you turn the page and come across this:
(I'm aware you can't really read this...PLEASE click here for a non-blurry version)
And then he rapes her. :D
(ETA: the rest of the chapter is now available here)
There was no way to simply say, "I read a really bad description in this book last night." I had to scan it and share it for you to understand just how bad it truly, truly was. It is the sort of bad that causes pain and must be shared with other people so you can feel better.
I really wish I could crosspost this to fanficrants. Alas, it is somehow a published work. I mean, one or two of those descriptions are vaguely interesting to put emphasis on some particular body part. Two pages worth, however, is absurd and ridiculous, especially as much of it makes no sense at all, and made me wonder if I'd fallen asleep while reading it and dreamed it up it was so bad.
Really, all I could think was, "I have got to scan this tomorrow because no one will believe how awful it is." It's so awful it's gone back around to being good again--but for all the wrong reasons. It's just hilarious. It is unbelivable such a thing got published. I'm so amazed!
Title & Author of the book is "Silk and Steel" by Ron Miller. (My copy was published in 1992 by "Ace Fantasy" but it appears it was later reissued by Timberwolf Press, which is "publish on demand" (and may be a vanity press(, which is the version the Amazon link goes to. I don't know if it's been editted.) (Oh, hey, only now do I realize it's actually a sequel to another book I've never read. Well, I'm not going to now, that's for sure.)
And now I feel satisfied that you have all shared in my pain with me. I am still intending to read the rest of the book, too. Pity me. Pity me.
My actual favorite part was not the excerpt but the pictures people submitted with their idea of what this creature...errrr beautiful person looked like...
and then there's this rendition: (Brace yourself for this awesomeness!)
and that, my friends, is what makes me happy on this Wednesday afternoon...
